 A
Christmas Note from Mom Holiday Joke
A Christmas Note from Mom
Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married:
Merry Christmas to you and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering
that I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice
holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I've sent along
my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren.
God knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin
in their pictures, poor babies.
Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the
freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me -- we buried
Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for
a good funeral so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all
over again. I would have invited you but I know that woman you live with
would have never let you come. I bet she's never even watched that videotape
of my hemorrhoid surgery, has she?
Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost my cane beating
off muggers last week, but don't you worry about me. I'm also getting
used to the cold since they turned my heat off and am grateful because
the frost on my bed numbs the constant pain. Now don't you even think
about sending any more money because I know you need it for those expensive
family vacations you take every year. Give my love to my darling grandbabies
and my regards to whatever-her-name-is -- the one with the black roots
who stole you screaming from my bosom.
Merry Christmas.
Love, Mom
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