 Men's
Restroom Explanation to Women Potty Joke
Men's Restroom Explanation to Women
"Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom
that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all
the time. It's rare us guys ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I
go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around;
just so I'll make sure I hit something.
You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises
have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all
the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis
will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his
left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers
can't be trusted.
After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed
to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She
has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise, if she
had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee
soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to
put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.
Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but because
you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm such a classy
guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and
you ladies need to be understanding about it. It's the dreaded "morning
wood."
Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to
pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter
how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it won't bend
you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss
all over the wall paper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women
insist on putting on the toilet.
And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the
friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to
use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control
our less than perfect aim. Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and
I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get
the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back
and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start
to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without
warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off
your weenie. So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's
just not safe.
I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told
her... look, it won't bend. She said, "So sit down like I told you
to do all the rest of the time."
OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning wood."
Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before
I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the
wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get
it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots
out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of
the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the
back of our legs on to that matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting
on the floor in front of the toilet.
I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary
dilemma is to assume the flying Superman position laying over the toilet
seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split
time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl
during the first morning pee. So you ladies have to understand that us
men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about
hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just
get beyond our control. It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature."
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